


The next best thing

by Questioning_TrashCan



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Endgame, F/M, Old Feelings, fight me, this is one of my endgame ships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2016-05-08
Packaged: 2018-06-07 02:53:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6782443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Questioning_TrashCan/pseuds/Questioning_TrashCan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's only so many things that can go right in a lifetime. You hope that this is one of them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The next best thing

You kind of always thought it would turn out like this. At least, that's what the rational side is telling you. And you're a very rational person, so that's a very large side of you. The other, much smaller side, is more hopeful that maybe, just maybe, it would go right.

You tried. You can't say you didn't try. But you've also royally fucked yourself over by not trying hard enough. That's what you don't get. The confession was supposed to be simple, you type what you feel in a massive paragraph, read it for two seconds and then send before you lose the motivation to do so, and cry while eating ice cream while you wait for a response.

That conversation still plays over in your mind even now. You've re-read it so many times, and you know where you went wrong.

 

GG: What's happening? 

GT: Its having some sort of mental episode. 

GT: See this is what im talking about jane. This is what im dealing with here. 

GT: Sigh. Like i said my life is many different hells of complicated. 

GG: Jake, could you just tell me what you're talking about? 

GT: Youre right. I did say honesty was the best policy didnt i so i might as well not keep certain things so close to the vest anymore. 

GT: Actually since youve made your feelings apparent and only see me as a friend that makes it a lot easier! 

GG: Haha, yes! 

GG: Friends!!!! 

GT: Maybe you could help me sort out some stuff that has been weighing on me lately? 

GG: Well what are friends for Jake!!!!! 

GT: Jane are you alright? 

GT: You seem to be exclaiming more liberally than usual. 

GG: Me? 

GG: HOO HOO HOO! 

GG: I'm just 

GG: Terrific! 

GG: I'm feeling so... 

GG: Friendly!!! 

GG: I clearly just want to be a good friend and bring all my AMAZING FRIENDLINESS to bear on your problems. 

GG: Friendlystyle! Ahahahah? 

GG: Shit I mean 

GG: Ahahahah! 

GT: Thats aces. Jane youre a sweetheart. 

GT: So as i was saying. 

GT: I cant help but feel like all this stuff going on with dirk like his responders mind games and his brobots mysterious and brutal hazings... 

GT: Are all like... 

GT: Man i know this is going to sound crazy. 

GG: What? 

GT: Like theyre all part of a really long term and esoteric courtship process that is bizarre but somehow makes perfect sense in his mind. 

GG: Courtship?? 

GT: Yes from dirk. 

GT: To you know... 

GT: Woo me. 

GG: Huh! 

GG: Really?

You couldn't tell him how you feel, in the end. It took months of miscommunication and outside influence for him to even consider again that you maybe, just maybe, had feelings for him. Key word, had. You're completely done with him now.

Dirk's fed up with the English boy too. And you can't say you blame him. You're starting to wonder what to do now that the game is over. You think about how much easier it would be dating Dirk instead, and just forgetting about Jake altogether. The idea doesn't seem too off-putting, albeit a little cruel to Jake. There's no way it would work, though. Dirk's gay. So again, you're left alone.

You consider dating Roxy.

No, that won't work either. The both of you are as straight as boards. Well, speaking for yourself, anyway. Roxy's kept to herself a lot about things like that. You're kind of surprised actually. Maybe you've all been assuming she's straight this whole time when in actuality she could be -- you need to stop thinking about this. It's hurting your head.

You were right. Considering both your and Dirk's respective orientations, Jake was kind of your only option. He's overrated. You don't need him. Or Dirk, or Roxy.

You're your own person, and you don't need anyone to validate that for you!

...

It's still lonely. 

You're sitting on your bed, knees drawn to your chest. You fashioned your new room to look as much like your old one as possible, but it still needs some work. You haven't managed to find another chest yet (and you're more than a little stumped as to how to make one yourself). It doesn't feel familiar like your old one. You bury your face in your knees. You don't know what to do with yourself anymore.

Your phone dings. You forgot to log out of Pesterchum before indulging in your self-pity-party. You go to log out and turn off your phone immediately, but the messages stop you.

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG] at [14:32]

TT: Hey Jane.

TT: Look, I just wanna say that you should...

TT: Like

TT: Get out more.

TT: You've been kinda walled up for the last month or so.

TT: Shit's ain't healthy.

TT: Go see the sun, you're too pale.

TT: To hell with it, I'll go with you. Just imagine it, Crocker and Strider! Ready to take on the world and nothing stands in their way!

TT: Except maybe a brick wall but I'm pretty sure no one's tried to recreate the Great Wall of fucking China yet.

TT: Shit we're gonna be making all the historical landmarks on this new planet.

TT: We're gonna have to start over from fuckin' scratch here, I mean shit we get the whole planet to ourselves. Until we start procreating and shit but I don't think that's going to happen for a while and I feel like there are gonna be a lot more trolls around here than humans.

TT: At least to start with.

TT: But we can work on that.

TT: If you know what I mean.

TT: Shit

TT: Look, uhh, I'm sorry about all that.

TT: Dropped in to help a friend out and instead started hinting that she should get on with the baby making.

TT: That was accidental by the way.

TT: Didn't mean it like that, honest.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased being pestered by timaeusTestified  [TT] at [14:42]

You don't want to talk to him right now. You log out and throw your phone across the room, aiming for the floor so it didn't crash into the wall and split into however many pieces it felt like splitting into.

You've had enough of picking up pieces.

You feel like crying, but no tears come. So you sigh, swing your legs over the side of the bed and stand up. You stretch for a moment, then pull on some pants because when you're alone in your house, you don't typically have to wear them and it's not out so you chose not to. You head for the door and walk outside before any other insecurity can worm its way into your mind and tell you to stay.

You've had enough of being lonely.

You head straight to Dirk's house, questioning all the way there what in the dickens you're doing. Oh dear, you're still cursing like Jake does. You really need to shake that habit.

It's not long before you reach his house. They're all relatively close to each other now. Still far enough away for some privacy, but walking distance. That's kind of necessary when you're the only ones left. You stand at his door, nervous. Your hand shakes when you reach out to knock, and the response is almost uncomfortably quick. Dirk flings the door open and you manage an awkward smile.

"Hello, Dirk" You greet, raising a hand. 

You've had enough of things going wrong.

He just looks shocked for a moment, then gestures for you to come in.

This is the path to recovery. You're going to have to thank him for setting you on it later.


End file.
